Keep Your Kids Drug-Free
Ten real-life parenting tactics.
by Katherine Stewart
Like many parents, you may tow a "not my kids" line when it comes to drugs, just like the stance Mia Farrow's character takes in the Lifetime Original Movie "The Secret Life of Zoey." But studies suggest that abuse of illicit substances is more widespread than you might think. A 2001 report by the National Parents' Resource Institute for Drug Education found that 35.3% of children in grades nine through 12 use drugs each year. The probability increases with age. Among 12th graders, drug use hovers at approximately 41%. How can you buck the odds and keep your kids drug-free? We asked experts and parents to share their tips:
1. Search for Signs
For many kids, drug use won't go further than experimentation, says Terry Horton, M.D., vice president of Phoenix House, the nation's largest drug treatment facility. "But even experimentation can have negative consequences or lead to dependency. A smart parent is aware of all the red flags indicating drug use," says Dr. Horton. Some common warning signs include depression, slipping grades, withdrawn behavior, poor grooming, as well as sleeping and concentration difficulties. For more information, check out the web site of the Partnership for a Drug Free America (PDFA).
2. Talk Amongst Yourselves
Talking is the best prevention, according to Doria Steedman, executive vice president of PDFA. "Kids really do care about what their parents have to say about drugs," she says. "Even when it seems as if your kids aren't listening to you, they really are paying attention." Don't worry about choosing exactly the right words; just get the discussion going. Research shows that staying silent puts your kids at higher risk of trying drugs, says Horton.
3. Stick to the Rules
Be a good disciplinarian, advises Cindy Rowe, research assistant professor with the Center for Treatment Research on Adolescent Drug Abuse at the University of Miami. "Set clear boundaries, such as establishing fixed curfews and enforcing them consistently," she says. "Kids need to know the rules of the house and what will happen if they break them." Kids who have a sense of structure in their lives are less likely to fall prey to drugs than are kids who don't have to follow rules and try to take shortcuts, says Horton.
4. Embrace Pop Culture
Movies such as "Traffic" and books such as "Go Ask Alice" are great springboards for discussions between you and your kids about drugs. Watch and read them together, and then share your thoughts openly, advises Rowe.
5. Call for Reinforcements
Look to guidance counselors, other parents or professionals for guidance on helping your kids stay the course. Rowe recommends the book "You and Your Adolescent," by Temple University psychologist Larry Steinberg. This book about the normal developmental processes of adolescence will help parents understand what the teen years are about. It may also help them to feel less overwhelmed with worry and to better comprehend the importance of their continuing involvement in their children's lives.
6. Tell Real-Life Stories
Terri Scribner, the mother of two, from Eupora, Mississippi, says, "I've explained to my son, who is 18, and my daughter, who is 15, how drugs can ruin any hope of a decent life. I tell them about the examples in our own family. My husband and I both have brothers and sisters who are addicted to drugs and alcohol, and two of my first cousins were killed due to driving while intoxicated." This kind of approach "is real and honest, and it explains a parent's basis for concern about why their kids shouldn't do drugs," says Horton.
7. Deliver the Facts
Your teen may be surrounded by peers who are experimenting with drugs and seem to be suffering no ill effects. Horton emphasizes that "if kids believe a drug is harmless, the likelihood of use goes up." Vague warnings about how drugs kill will ring false. Instead, offer specific details, such as how the popular drug Ecstasy can damage sensitive parts of the brain that are involved with learning and memory. Use news reports, advises Rowe. If you see an article or television segment about a drug-related health problem or accident, mention it to your child to start a conversation.
8. Encourage Healthy Alternatives
Suggest to your kids that they get involved with sports, art courses or community projects, advises Rowe, and do what you can to support their extracurricular activities. Besides building self-esteem, these activities reinforce pro-social values such as integrity, teamwork and responsibility. "These qualities will make children less susceptible to trying drugs," says Horton. Plus, if a coach or a teacher serves as a mentor, that's even better. "A child with a mentor is definitely at [decreased] risk," adds Horton.
9. Help Them Walk Away
"We knew our 14-year-old son would be offered drugs, so we helped him try different strategies for turning them down," says Sheila Mattel of Madison, Wisconsin. "We'd pretend to be some of his peers on the playground, offering him pot," she says. "One time he responded by saying, 'I don't feel like it.' We told him [that with such a response,] he might be approached again.... Then he responded in the next role-play with 'No thanks, that's not for me,' which we all agreed would work well."
10. Find Positive Role Models
Make sure your kids are not emulating celebrities that are sending pro-drug messages. Listen to the lyrics of songs they like and pay attention to what they watch on television, advises Rowe. More importantly, parents should set an example. Parents who use drugs greatly increase their children's chances of becoming drug-dependent. Above all, says Scribner, "Spend valuable time together as a family, and you'll see a child with high hopes for the future!"
